Twenties
Advice to All the Soon-to-Be 24-year-olds & My Girl Jesca.
Love, Mom
I'm the kind of person who can't stand the thought of other people doing something cooler in life than me, so I spent most of my twenties seeking out everything cool God would be proud of, or allow me to do. At the time, I didn't think I was doing enough or having enough fun or enough adventures. Today, I made a list of all the things I did, and I'm not disappointed-- my only hope is that God isn't either. Yes, I did have my times of burnout or discouragement or falling on my face, but those were the growing times, the times I was learning the great things I hold dear today. And honestly, I can count all of them, which I hope is a good sign.
I was young and stupid most of my twenties. And what I mean by that is, I didn't take the time to learn what it meant to be an adult. For example, I never saved a receipt for taxes when I was self-employed, which I now know is the stupidest of mistakes. I could live off my tax returns now from when I was 23 if I learned to invest them. I lived in the greatest of ski resorts in the Rocky Mountains and thought I needed an Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer with all the amenities. It was used, I spent $10,000. But with my credit, and a 5 year payment plan, I ended up paying $17,000 by the time I paid it off at 28 years old. And, after years of doing youth ministry, it was so destroyed that I sold it to a friend for $2000 so I could move to Hollywood, follow my dream, and drive my little sister's old high school car -- what a waste -- I was stupid.
If there's one thing I'm very proud of it's that I never miss a trip or a chance to travel or do something crazy. Memories are priceless. I had these envelopes in my dresser drawer labeled for all the different things I had planned: one for summer graduate school in Vermont, one for a trip to the Nantucket Film Festival of which I entered my screenplay, one for this, one for that… If I didn't have enough money at any given point, no fret, I'd find an odd job and get it. Nothing stood in my way of going places or visiting all my friends every year. Again, I was stupid, I never thought of saving for a condo or a 401-K or getting a dental plan -- but I sure never missed out on something cool.
My advice to everyone still living in their precious 20's:
If you have any dream of any kind anywhere -- throw away all logic and go do it now! Forget your career, you have the rest of your life to build one. Forget your degree, that's just knowledge and a piece of paper. You have only a small window of time that allows you to try whatever you want before you're tied down to responsibilities. Now, some of you have logical parents, student loans, and too much 'stuff', figure it out and go. Stop worrying about the money; if you want it bad enough, you'll find it. Any dream you have in your soul could be the Holy Spirit tugging at you, telling you to follow. Don't ignore the tugging -- life is passing quickly!
Stay a kid as long as you can. Be a camp counselor, coach a sport, or do something fun. Think of it this way, if anyone did anything for you growing up (inspired you, taught you something great) -- it's your turn to give back anyway. Throw a dumb theme party, buy some super-soakers and have a water war, go teepee your best friend's car.
It seems that our parents had more pressure to find a career right away, and stick with it the rest of their lives. Most of them also grew up with less opportunities. Either the girls weren't allowed to play "that sport," or racial discrimination prevented "that job," or something socially and economically got in the way. So, that generation has worked very hard to make sure we have all the opportunities in the world. They also lived the aftermath of World War II stories and the Great Depression, thus they work endlessly. Our generation has more opportunities, yet fewer reasons to take advantage of them.
God used my twenties to teach me what my spiritual gifts are. I became a Christian in college and had a lot of catching up to do. It seems that we must figure out who we are all over again when Jesus takes control. It's a process, but the first few years were so dramatic for me. But now I look back and see God's plan the entire way through.
I don’t know much, but I know I start things, all kinds of things.
I start businesses, sports programs, and other people's dreams. I get a vision of something bigger than me, I raise the money, find the people, psyche everyone up, then I hand it over to someone while I start something new. I never knew this was what I was doing. All these Christians around me were stuck on the Spiritual Gifts Test or now it’s the Enneagram—of which I fit every category, depending on the day. They would ask me, "so, what's your 'gift set'?" I would, of course, cringe at the stupid lingo and then answer, "I start things. I know it's not on 'the list', but that's what I do, and I'm pretty sure the person who made 'the list' left me out." Of course, my mother always used to call me, "Jack of all trades, master of none."
See, I am good at a lot of things, just not great at anything. That made me soo confused and discouraged, not to mention the fact that my gift calls for disappointment at every turn. Having a dream or vision before everyone else is scary… and tiring. No one thinks it's possible until I do it first. Now, all the things I started, small and large, are up and running, and I know God used my discouragement. I just keep reminding myself how long Noah had to build that huge boat for, then it doesn't seem so bad.
In finding my spiritual gift, I found my purpose on earth. I don't have any clue how other people grow in their relationship with God, that's the cool part.
When you’re in your twenties, anyone will help you—that's the best thing about being young! If you need a mentor of any kind, no matter how big. If you need someone to encourage you or help you out—now's your time to ask before you're their competition.
For some reason, good or bad, it's still okay to screw up. It's okay to try everything (within God's eyes) before you have to 'settle down' or 'be responsible'. Yes, you should learn to invest, register your car on time, have an occasional blood test, watch your sugar intake—but, don't not take the opportunity to hold onto your immature youth. Pull a fun prank on your friends, back pack Europe on $5 a day, meet everyone you can—just because.
I staring down the road at my own retirement, about ten years just ahead. Sometimes I pretend I'm still 26. But people respect my opinion now, even though they're not quite sure how old I am. But one thing is for sure -- I'm more confident and happy with me, my clothes, the world. However, in the course of living, I lost that care-freeness I had a few short years ago. I feel the pressure to buy more real estate because I fell behind in my twenties. I wonder about my health once in a while. I get more afraid of people I love dying. I'm more aware of my gums, my hair color, oil changes, good credit, skin cancer, little kids running out into the street, looking professional at a meeting, the phone bill, and especially my daughter’s twenties in LA without me…So far, my life panics me. I wish I was 24, now that was a great year.
